When my daughter was eleven she tried out for the school play, The Wizard of Oz. She was quite nervous about trying out and wanted to be cast in the play more than anything. She told me that she was going to stay really positive because when you think positive good things happen. She began to say things like “when I make the play” and practiced acting and singing everyday. The day the cast list went up her name was not there. She said she couldn’t believe it and kept looking at the list again and again for her name.  She then thought it must be a mistake and began to look for the teacher but ran out of time. She came home crying hysterically and yelling “positive thinking does not work!!! I’m never trying out for a play again!!”

My heart wanted to break to think of my child looking at the list again and again in the hope that her name would appear. I held her as she cried uncontrollably, and I realized that the philosophy of Maybe is what the situation needed. My daughter had fallen into a common pitfall of positive thinking. To harness the power of positive thinking, we need to be optimistic no matter what happens. For many people, this is too hard to sustain when life takes unexpected turns. When we face obstacles in life that obscure the road ahead it is easy to doubt that things can still work out fine. It’s especially hard for children to access this positive perspective in the midst of emotional pain. They get stuck on the idea that “if today doesn’t work out, it will never change in the future.”

The philosophy of Maybe offers us the opportunity to teach our children perspective: “Well, you didn’t make the play today, but maybe you will next time. In the meantime, Maybe you can take singing or dance lessons, or Maybe there’s a local theater with kids that you can join.  Maybe you’ll take an art class or join a sport with your free time.  Let’s find something else you’ll love until the next play.” Maybe allows us to open our kids back up to the fact that life will always change. It can work to get children thinking of all the possible ways to achieve their goals and be happy. The conversation of Maybe teaches our children how to stay positive even though life doesn’t always go exactly as they had hoped. With Maybe, our children hone the skills to constantly acknowledge that there is always the possibility of another way.

After speaking with my daughter about Maybe she said “Do you really think I might make it next time if I pick a song and practice for a long time?” I said, “Maybe! We can always keep trying because it’s definitely possible.”

With that thought, my daughter decided to take singing and guitar lessons, and play more basketball with her free time. Her voice improved tremendously with the lessons, she loves playing the guitar, and she became point guard for her basketball team.

The next year before play tryouts she walked around saying, “I really want to make this play but if it doesn’t happen then Maybe something else will!” It just so happened that she got a small part. However, she put her heart into it and got a better role in the two following middle school plays. This year she made the school play for the third time. She loves it so much that she is going to a sleepaway camp for performing arts this summer.

In addition, now I use her experience of not making the play the first time as a reminder that MAYBE IS ALWAYS AT PLAY (no pun intended). She knows even when hurt and disappointment happen, life will keep changing, always offering her new opportunities.

Let’s help our Children say Maybe!