When a storm comes, it stays for some time, and then it goes. An emotion is like that too. It comes and stays for a while and then it goes. However, just like a storm can cause damage, the emotion of anger can cause us to say and do things that create pain and turmoil for ourselves and the people that we love.
At first, anger may seem quite justified when someone hurts our feelings or disappoints us. Our spouse snaps at us after a long day at work or our children are disrespectful or fail to listen. Our knee jerk reaction to these behaviors is often to lash back with anger. However, our reactions often cause the situation to escalate and then there is suffering on both sides.
So how do we stop this cycle of anger and suffering in our ourselves and our relationships? We know we shouldn’t suppress the anger that arises when someone hurts our feelings, but Maybe we can take a moment for ourselves and take care of our anger before we speak or react to the other person.
How can we possibly do this in the midst of the emotional storm? We can do it if we are willing to acknowledge the anger when we feel it coming on and repeat the simple word of “Maybe.” In this moment we can contemplate that Maybe there is another way to deal with this emotion of hurt and disappointment. Maybe we can just sit there and breathe and feel our breath? Maybe we can sit there and try to slow ourselves down and see what is really going on.
All we are doing in this moment is offering ourselves another way to process this anger and deal with the situation. Sometimes, this new way can even turn our anger into understanding about ourselves, as well as the person that we love.
As we cool the flames of our anger, we may realize that the person that just hurt us is suffering too. Maybe he or she is having difficulties at work or school, maybe he or she is afraid or worried and doesn’t know how to process his or her emotions? Maybe he or she allows their anger to grow because he or she does not know how to make it through the emotional storm and process the onslaught. If this is true, then if we don’t help our loved one, who will?
Our loved ones are still responsible for how they act towards us, but Maybe our understanding of their suffering creates a dialogue and a new way for us to communicate. Instead of lashing out, we can offer them understanding and compassion and allow them the space to settle their own anger. This way we can talk and hopefully resolve the situation in a more loving manner and over time create a more stable and joyous home.
Just, Maybe.